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Rantings of an Unsafe Mind

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2010.04.21  20.33
Job Offer!

I've been offered a job in Sydney! It's a promotion!

I don't know when I start or when I get home yet, but I will update this space when I do.

Mood: jubilant

  2010.04.16  22.36
Viking Kittens


Don't ask questions. Just click.


  2009.12.06  23.29
Freaky Noel

I saw some really good christmas cards in Burwood Westfield Cardiology today. I wandered over because there was a freaky looking clock-work monkey on the front of one of the cards in the display, and I was prepared to mock the poor choice of the manufacturer. But when I opened it up, the pre-printed message said "May all your toys murder you in your sleep" (or words to that effect). Further exploration revealed a card with "A christmas card for satanists" written on the front in block letters and, inside, written in reverse-writing, "All hail the anti-christmas". There were other funny ones as well, but those two were my favourites. I wish I could afford to buy enough of them to send one to everyone I know.

Which has just reminded me that I bought some nice, unusual christmas cards in the post-christmas sales and then left them in Perth. Damn.

Mood: random

  2009.12.04  17.45
A Bollywood Zombie Spectacular: the first song

Miss J and I have decided to script and produce a Bollywood Zombie Spectacular for the amusement and delectation of our friends.

This is the first draft of the second song and comes after we have seen the zombie hoards dancing muscially down the street (while singing the first song, which is basically "Mistishk* chagalaga, mistishk chagalaga") and heard Maaji telling Babuji about the difficulties she is encountering while searching for a husband for her second daughter Geet, as the zombie plague keeps taking her suitors before she can be married.

Diya's Expository Solo
I am Diya, the eldest daughter of Maaji
I vowed I would not marry and she cried
I vowed I’d never be a husband’s slave
I would not live to cook or clean or breed for him
I’ll not exist to give a husband bliss
I am a genius
A brilliant biochemist
I am only interested in my brain

My mother’s mind turned to my younger sister Geet
Maaji chose many wealthy grooms for her
To be her master, to call her his wife
That she might be his cook, his cleaner and his slave
I made the suitors zombies to save Geet
I am a genius
A brilliant biochemist
At least now they’re interested in her brain

Twas hard to turn her suitors into zombie freaks
And in the end I used goat DNA
To make a virus that would turn these men
All into slaves to their unnatural urge for brains
No other could achieve this brilliant feat
I am a genius
A brilliant biochemist
At least now they’re interested in her brain

My faithful servant I injected with this plague
And kept him in my garden on a leash.
I lured each suitor to this yard of doom
By showing them the beauty hidden by these frames
They came in and my faithful servant pounced
I am a genius
A brilliant biochemist
At least now they’re interested in her brain

No man shall be the master of my sister Geet
I will infect all suitors brought to her
I’d not intended for this plague to spread
But even if it meant this plague took all the world
I would save Geet from all a husband is.
I am a genius
A brilliant biochemist
At least now they’re interested in her brain.

I've been quite careful to keep the meter the same in each verse, which hopefully means that someone will volunteer to put it to bollywood-ish music.

Miss J swears that she'll have the plot synopsis up on Facebook sometime soon. We wrote it last night while we were drunk, and it caused us considerable amusement.

*'Mistishk' is apparently hindi for 'brain' and actually sounds quite good when groaned out a la zombie.

Mood: accomplished

  2009.10.31  21.16
The Licenced Life

It was always my plan to drive to and from work for the first month and a bit after I got my licence, so that I could be sure that I didn't forget which is the 'go faster' pedal and which the 'aagh! STOP!' pedal* and become a danger to society and the world at large when I next tried to drive.

But then my car did 430kms on 30L of petrol. This means that it costs me less to drive to and from work every day than it used to cost me to take public transport. Not to mention taking 40-50min less. I'm worried for my environmental-cred if I'm unable to make myself go back to the bus-train-bus route when my driving skills are settled in.

Also, I just got trick-or-treated by the neighbours kids. Thank god I'm me and am never without an emergency stash of chocolate.

*I could never forget the clutch- it is my special friend. I love to hug it as I go around corners, and press it randomly as I drive along.

Mood: chipper

  2009.10.12  20.50
I have P-Plates!

I have been provisionally licenced by the great state of Western Australia to drive unsupervised! This means that my car is out of the work car park and menacing the wider community!

Good news: people in NSW are currently safe.

Bad news: people in WA should invest in safety clothes

Worse news: I will be in NSW for all of December and, if I can work out the 'cars don't fit in overhead compartments'* problem, you will all be moving to DefCon99million for the duration of my stay.

*though my car? almost would fit.

Mood: jubilant

  2009.10.04  12.36
Not a sunrise, but a GalaxyRise

The minute that I stop periodically making rap-hands (WestCoast!) and saying "Not a sunrise, but a galaxy-rise" in my best Gansta Voice, I will let you know.

Mood: awake

  2008.11.14  23.25

Your Survival In a Zombie Outbreak by DUIguy117
WeaponLead Pipe
Turned into a Zombie and killedlulu_destroyer
Days Survived97
Way of DeathKilled by a Traitor

FYI, I totally have plans to take over Fort Denison in the event of a zombie invasion. There's a fig tree, all the fish you can eat and a huge fresh-water tank. Plus cannons. My only concern is that the zombie plague may consist of zombies who can walk unconcernedly under-water like the cursed sailors of the Black Pearl.


  2008.08.07  20.11

Last Saturday, aided and abetted by the kindness of strangers, I bought a loom and, using some acrylic yarn leftover from a scarf I knitted for my pseudo-nephew, I wove my first scarf the same day. In the process I discovered that several essential parts had either been left at the shop or not included in my second-hand purchase to begin with, and also that you don't really need a raddle for thin widths and that a jarrah plastic bag 'handle' makes a perfectly acceptable shuttle for the same.

I'm now working on a slightly more complicated weave using leftover acrylic yarn from a scarf I knitted for my pseudo-niece and keeping a close eye out for any Cenorath-style alterations to the fabric of reality.

Mood: accomplished

  2008.07.21  21.14

Yesterday MadRadish taught me to SPIN (...wool, not around in a circle, i had mastered that one already, thanks). It is immensely satisfying and very fun, and there is nothing like having a friend who is a professional trainer to teach you their hobbies- they make sense and think about the best way to explain and learn and suchlike. I've almost finished my second spindle of yarn!

I was talking about it at work today, and it turns out that one of the women I work with used to have a spinning wheel and a loom, and a sheep and goat to feed these instruments. She used to go from hay to coat! I am very impressed, and a little bit stunned that I had no idea before I brought the topic up. Maybe one of my co-workers is secretly a singing nun, or a dancing monk. I just don't know! But I'm pleased that I know someone who might possibly teach me to weave.

Mood: accomplished

  2008.07.06  18.50
World eBook Fair

From 4th July to 4th August- download free eBooks


Don't forget the Baen Free Library, with it's free Science Fiction book downloads, including Mercedes Lackey, Andre Norton, Rosemary Edgehill and Ellen Guon.


And Project Gutenberg (NOT project Guggenheim, as I keep searching for it under- I don't know why, my sub-conscious must like unlikely architecture)


Mood: Helpful

  2008.06.24  19.28

I have a really bad cold, and also a car.

If only I had a license too...I could drive out and buy myself butter-menthols or something else that purports to cure and/or alleviate the common cold.

Mood: sick

  2008.02.15  19.54

I just don't get why Superman has muscles. Isn't the whole point that he never has to strain his physical strength short of moving actual celestial objects? Something which he doesn't do often enough to work up a decent bicep, let alone the full muscle-man complement. And muscle mass develops in response to resistance.

I think Superman wears a padded shirt so he looks the part.

Mood: confused

  2008.01.26  13.02
Mua ha ha

Truly, I am a genius. My cunning plan to move to Perth and lure people over with low-priced real-estate, good weather and an improved lifestyle is starting to succeed!

Soon you will all follow Madradish and I to a life of west-coast bliss!

Mua ha ha, etc,
yours sincerely,
crazy woman.

Mood: jubilant

  2008.01.23  20.10

So, I'm totally going to be over east for a couple of weeks in March/April. This will be fun.

I've been reading far too much lately- totally taking advantage of the fact that nobody cares if I wash my dishes, least of all me. Then I realise my cousin is coming over and I freak out and start washing things frantically 20min before she's due to walk in the door. Thank god my cousin is habitually late.

I wish I was doing stuff that was a little more productive, like writing or cleaning or cooking or even knitting, but I really get lost in books. I should try reading more intelligent literature, perhaps. I did buy a book called 'the portable atheist' which is both interesting and intellectually challenging (I think the editor was a bit worried about the competition in the book though- he used more 50c words in his introduction than a 2nd year uni student who hasn't done the readings) but unfortunately, despite it's many virtues, the portable atheist is far too big to actually be portable. Portage-able maybe- I can totally see a herd of sweaty vikings pushing it from one sea to the next across a narrow bridge of land crying out "heave! heave! HEAVE!" But it's not exactly perfect for carrying around and reading when I get bored. On the bright side, if I fail to convince anyone to give aside their religion for atheism using the arguements outlined in the book, I can beat them with it until they give in.

Am I getting predictable in my old age?

Mood: amused

  2008.01.19  20.10
An Open Letter to Sarah Rees Brennan

I wrote this comment post, and then realised it was probably a little extreme, even when I cut out the bit about being prepared to throw spitballs at her if she didn't finish at least one of the WIPs soon.   This may sound a little insulting, but I think if you read her LJ at mistful.livejournal.com, you'll understand that it is both fairly written and affectionate.  Particularly the bit about hallucinations.  This woman has more fun going to the grocery store than most people do during a cross-American road-trip to every themepark and gambling establishment with shiny lights in that psychotropic country.   I still had to say it, but I thought it best to say it where few would read it.

Dear Ms Brennan;

I do love your stories of your life.  They make me wonder whether you actually use your imagination to write stories about magic or whether you just wait until one of the hallacinations goes on long enough for you to write it down, but they are almost as much fun to read as your stories about emotionally wounded boy-wizard auror/cops are. 

Speaking of such, I would like to remind you that Promises Were Made regarding September.  I'm not talking about the bit where things go away, but to the bit where things are there first: things like happy endings.  I'm not nagging, I just know how upset you would be if your orderly life fell behind schedule and I want to save you from that terrible grief.  It's not selfish at all.

Just so you know, I have plans to make Small!Plushy!Draco and Small!Plushy!Harry and hold them hostage for new segments.  You should think about their inanimate pain before you frivolously run around having a life IRL instead of slaving monkey-like over your fanfic.

If, however, you insist on your inhumane and heartless life-having, please keep writing about it.  It is like methadone for my addiction, but at least it holds off the shakes.  

Yours sincerely;

PS: I knew I should have listened to my mother when she told me to never read WIPs.

Mood: Righteous outrage

  2007.12.29  19.31
LiveJournal auto-post

I found ICQ again. I also found AIM, and spoke to Karida for their kind wishes today. Something must have worked- the exam was not the soul-wrenching torture I expected. While I may not be able to cope with this strange new conversational gambit- all of my other housemates are taking it in their stride.


  2007.07.15  20.48

I wanted to tell more funny work stories, but it's amazing what becomes normal, so I'm going to tell a normal story.

For starters, sex offenders are always polite. Always. I have never yet met one that was abrupt or rude. They're actually very nice people to exchange greetings with, when you know that you have a large number of armed people who will come running if you scream. At first it was really, really weird that I had to be polite to them as well (because we're not supposed to know what they've done so acting is a job prerequisite), but it's just become one of those things. While one may know, theoretically, that you can see someone walking down the street and not know what secrets lurk in their hearts (you know, unless you're The Shadow), it's a bit weird to say "Hi, how are you" to someone with a history of sexually abusing little kids and realise that you wouldn't have had a clue if you'd met them socially. They're really human. It's just that they're also evil.

Secondly, everybody knows who Dorothy the Dinosaur is. Everyone. There are no magazines kept for adults who are waiting- they read an instructive series of phamplets or they can twiddle their thumbs. Kids, however, have a big box of books, puzzles and toys. One of these books is about Dorothy the Dinosaur, and I always offer adults that as a reading choice (because I'm a freak that way). Not one person has ever said "Who's that?", so either Dorothy should be getting a bigger percentage of the Wiggle's profits, or people just really don't like to admit ignorance.

Finally, when you read the statistics, there really isn't as much crime as you'd expect. Honestly, I have no idea how there can be that many crime shows. If there was a CSI: Perth, they'd spend all their time gossiping about AFL. Is the US really that much different to Australia?

On a shallower level, I bought an iPod. It's a hot-pink, 4gig nano, and I bought a hot-pink leather and grey-scale camo canvas belkin cover to go with it. Sometimes I seriously worry that aliens have taken over my brain. What happened to the teenager who hated pink and pop music?

Mood: confused

  2007.05.25  18.56

I now that I've been more than slightly hermit-ish for the last few years, but when did I become shy? 

I went to a work drinkies today for about 20 mins, and then ran off home.

It's not like any of them turned up to the BBQ armed....

Mood: curious

  2007.05.13  15.39

I have finally got a new computer AND an internet connection. Life is indeed shiny.

Vista is my enemy. I do not like it, and it is overtly plotting my fall into insanity. It is against me and every other right-thinking person in the world. I am no longer friends with Bill Gates.

Working for the cops has it's advantages. One of these is a new fund of amusing anecdotes. My two favourites are as follows:

1) I was at a training course in a far flung suburb of Perth, and asked a couple of cops who work at the same station as me for a lift back to work. They only had a secure sedan, which is a great anecdote by itself, because it's like being in a moving sound proof booth while everyone around you thinks you are a criminal. Being in a sound proof booth I was unable to make conversation with the two cops in the front, despite a valiant attempt to discuss her children with one of them. So I started to fall asleep. Suddenly I hear the sirens. I'm under the impression that I have inadvertantly fallen in with dodgy cops and they're just sounded the siren so that they can go through the red lights. Instead it turns out that someone has run through the red light in front of them and is even now erratically swerving across the three lanes available to him (thankfully a heavily-shrubbed median strip stopped him from having six lanes available to him). I am in the back of a police car while it does the high-speed pursuit thing.

The car eventually pulls up into a driveway and a large bearded guy gets out, with a bottle of beer in one hand. The cops get out and start to arrest him. It looks like a cheap TV show. They actually had to pin him down on the ground to get cuffs on him. A highway patrol car comes by to help. They're all doing cop things. I am, meanwhile, in the back of a secure police van, which means that I can't get out and I can't hear anything. I have NO idea what is going on.

One of the cops finally comes around to my door, does the cop thing where she half crouched down and looked up and down the road, presumably to make sure that there were no other drunken car-wielding maniacs nearby before she opened the car door to tell me what the heck was going on. I wasn't allowed out of the car at all. On the bright side, I woke right up after that.

2) I had a person come in to give a crash report because a car had landed on his roof. There was a steep slope across the road and he was on the down side of it. The fellow on the upside of the road had not put his handbrake on. So the car accelerated down his driveway and landed on the roof of the house across the road, whose owner had to come in and report it as a car crash. The fire brigade had to come to remove it. No-one was hurt and the damage to the roof wasnt' too bad, which just makes it funnier. It's like "Chitty Chitty, Bang Bang" crossed with "Funniest Home Videos".

Mood: amused

  2007.03.22  12.50

I have applied for an apartment; put my money down and everything. It has a guestroom/study, and a pool, is two blocks from the local cafe-strip, is only half an hour walk from work and costs quite a bit more than I intended to pay. So y'all keep your fingers crossed for me, please.

Mood: anxious

  2007.03.20  19.57

I'm safely in Perth. House-hunting is hell upon earth. I'm terribly nervous about starting a new job in a new place.

Other than that, life is good- I love my niece and nephew, even if they're actually second cousins. It's really good to see my cousin again. We didn't talk that much while I was in Sydney, but it's bizarre how little time seemed to have elapsed when we got down to talking about politics and pop-culture together again.

Mood: faraway

  2007.03.17  18.08
Last post as a resident of Sydney


West Australia, here I come
tho' that's not where I started from
West Australia! Here I come!

*Tapdances like the little dried fruit used to*

Mood: excited

  2007.03.06  23.11
Farewell drinks

I'll be having fare-well drinks on Friday the 16th at a yet-to-be-selected drinkinghole. Please keep the evening free- I'll be leaving very early on the 18th, and doing family stuff on the 17th, so I will have no opportunity for re-dos.

Though I hope to come back and visit at least once a year.

I'm having frequent panic attacks. I got full-on insomnia the other night, when I'd gotten my work contract and finally booked the flight and realised that this was a thing that was actually happening. Still, I know this is the right thing for me to do, and I'll be fine when I get there.

Mood: anxious

  2007.03.01  02.35

I don't know if it's true or not, but there's a rumour going around that Daniel Radcliff was rushed by the audience after his play the other night.

Which immediately made me think of "The Bodyguard", and how much better that movie would be if Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner weren't in it and even better still if instead it had the cast of Harry Potter. Harry would be Whitney (duh), Draco ('cos I'm on a h/d kick right now) would be Kevin, and Harry would stun the world when, after defeating the dark lord, he decided to be a singing superstar instead of an auror or a quidditch player. Gradually they began to accept it (though his insistence on wearing sequined head-dresses still worried them a little). And then, you know, the plot of "The Bodyguard". If you haven't seen it, I'm not telling you because if you want to know you can just damn well suffer through it yourself. Which is kind of a lie, because I loved it when I was about 15, but I'm not admitting that to anyone.

Next, I thought of all the other movies and TV episodes that should be rewriten with the HP cast. Like, "The Wish", which I think is the proper name of that episode of Buffy when Cordelia wishes, and Anya makes happen, the world where Buffy didn't come to Sunnydale. Except, it would be Dean wishing that HP had never come to Hogwarts, because of the Ginny thing. And Hermione would be a deatheater, which would be fun in a terrible way. But maybe instead of Ron being the second Evil Friend, it may be Ginny. And then it could be Ron/Harry. Because what's life without variety?

Also, "The Birdcage", with Sirius/Remus as Harry's 'parents' (continuity be damned in my AUs!), and Harry bringing home Ginny, daughter of the traditionalist Weasleys (ew! Het! But I bow to the demands of the plot) and Sirius and Remus arguing about who has to be the mum in english accents and whichever of them it is refusing to shave properly.

"Batman Begins" is nice as it is, but I think that Harry would fit well into the Bruce Wayne role, though I can't think of a reason why he's suddenly afraid of bats. Meanwhile, Ron would be "Spider-man". I haven't really thought about these as much, but men in tights are always good.

The fact that I had the time and lee-way to think out all of this at work really makes me wonder why I want another job, really. It just doesn't seem logical.

Mood: accomplished

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